Old Friends
by Teal06
Summary: Story takes place soon after ATTACHED. Our dear doctor has put off the good Captain one too many times. Now, can she live with the consequences of her actions, or will it be too much for her to bear?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Dr. Beverly Crusher stormed into her room and threw down the data PADS from under her arm. She watched as they clacked across the floor, but felt no guilt at loosing her temper. An intense scream built inside. Nothing had gone right on this trip, nothing at all. Here she was, giving lectures and trying to act as a professional in her field and all she could do was think of _him_. She pulled a pillow form the couch and gave into the urge, screaming her anger into the cushion. Tossing it away, she flopped out onto the couch.

"It's my rotten own fault," she admitted aloud. She had brought this on herself. But it was still infuriating. Correction—he was infuriating.

She remembered that conversation like it was yesterday. Jean-Luc had approached her after their away mission on Kesprytt and made his feelings very clear to her, and she had pushed him away—again. Well, she just wasn't ready. She valued their friendship, that was true, but mostly she was afraid of screwing it all up and loosing him. I mean, they'd been friends for so long, what if it didn't work? She would loose him entirely then, and she had come to depend on him so much. Value him so much.

No, she had made the right decision. But, it was so hard to watch him at these functions, talking with other women that were, very obviously, attracted to him. And he would be friendly back, and then there would be dinner, and he would undoubtedly approach her and say, "what do you think of her?" And that is when the trouble would really start. Not between them, but inside her, the part of her that wanted to show him how she felt. To yell at him and say, "What about me?"

It seemed like every time she turned around there was some new woman ready to take him from her. "Stop it!" she yelled at herself. "You did this, and you made the choice. You don't have him, so there is nothing to take away."

A bath was what she needed. She undressed and quickly stepped into her shower. It was cramped, not like in her own quarters back on the Enterprise, but it did the job. She began to relax immediately, putting the day's trials behind her.

Tomorrow the seminar would be wrapped up and end in the ceremonial dinner and dancing and then the next day, back to the Enterprise and her safe routine of seeing patients. Throwing herself into her work was always a comfort, enabling herself to forget her own troubles.

She got out of the shower, and made ready for bed, disregarding her waiting dinner. She was too tired to eat, anyway. As she lay down, nearing sleep, her mind wandered through her day. Suddenly, she began to picture the last lecture she'd attended, and Jean-Luc, sitting at the side of a very beautiful brunette commander, smiling and listening to her with complete fascination. His blue eyes twinkled at her in appreciation.

"Aaaaah!" She pulled the covers up over her head and willed herself to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

The lectures were complete, and her bags were packed. It was such a relief to be leaving in the morning. She wandered over to the mirror to check herself before she went down for dinner. It was nice to get out of her uniform and put on something more feminine. She admired the new, low cut, blue velvet dress she had picked up earlier that day. It was a perfect choice. She checked her hair once again and left her quarters.

Once arriving she visited with several friends before finding her table. She felt his eyes on her before she saw him. She admired his approach. He always looked wonderful in a black tuxedo. She felt her heart race a bit as she noticed he was admiring her as well.

"Good evening." His voice deep and resonating. He picked up her hand and kissed it lightly. "You look absolutely lovely. Blue is my favorite color."

"Really?" She knew that only too well.

"Have I missed much, I was running late." He looked about him, nodding to several people he recognized.

"No, everyone is too busy talking for them to start serving."

"Well, then, that will give us more time to chat. I haven't seen much of you this trip. How did your lectures turn out?"

"Oh, very well. Only lost one or two to sleep, and that was only day one. I sort of spiced them up after that. You can only do so much with anaphaysic reactions to multi-linear time distortions."

"That wasn't really what you spoke on, was it?"

"No, just seeing if you were paying attention."

"To you, always."

She hated it when he was being charming, knowing he was only teasing her, but her wanting it to be real.

"Can I ask you a question?" He said, at once very serious.

"Of course, anything the matter?"

"You're going to think I'm foolish. But, have you had a chance to talk to Commander Alejan?"

"Who?" She asked, dreading what was to come.

"Commander Alejan. She attended several of your lectures. I just wondered if you had a chance to speak with her."

"No." Her back stiffened.

"Oh. Well, I have. She's very intelligent. Very inquisitive and insightful as well."

"Good for her." Her irritation was beginning to show. She tried to get a grip on her emotions, but decided she could only do so much. "And _you_ like her."

"Yes, as a matter of fact I do. I think that she.." He wasn't able to finish his sentence before she stood up abruptly and glared at him.

"I suddenly have a tremendous headache." She left the dining hall, and didn't stop her stomping until she had reached the elevator to her room. She rubbed her hand across her forehead and felt the wrinkles and knots between her knitted brows. Why did she let him get to her like this?

By the time she had reached her room she was regretting her rude departure and was even debating going back down to apologize.

As she reached for the door though, she changed her mind. She had every right to be angry didn't she? He always coming to her, dangling some new conquest in her face, and asking for her advice as though she weren't even a woman.

A woman who was too attracted to him to admit it even to herself. She sighed and sat down on the edge of her bed. She was an idiot. She'd make up some excuse tomorrow when they were back on the ship. As for now, she just wanted to go to bed.

Jean-Luc sat dumbfounded in his dining chair, completely taken aback by her behavior. What was that about? He tried to shake it off, but every time he had almost let it go, it popped back up again. She had been acting strangely for weeks now. Avoiding him, ignoring his invitations for dinner, only speaking to him when he asked her questions directly. She was obviously very angry with him for something, but what? And that was the puzzling thing. Usually when she was angry she'd just come out and tell him what he'd done. But not this time.

He felt punished, and unjustly so. Here they were, in a very romantic spot on Nigel 3, away from the ship for the first time in months. For the first time in a long time, they didn't have any of the other crew with them. He was hoping they'd grow a bit closer, without the scrutinizing glances of their companions, but that wasn't happening.

_Well, I won't put up with this any longer._ He threw down his napkin and headed towards her room.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Just as she was beginning to undress her door sounded.

"Yes?" She was unwilling to admit who ever it was.

"It's me."

"Can we talk tomorrow? I'm really not feeling very good."

"No, I'd rather we talk now."

"Enter." The doors to her hotel room slid back.

Jean-Luc stormed in, eyes blazing in anger and confusion. Now her head really did start to pound. She winced under his gaze and looked away, fiddling with the PADD she'd made notes on, at the table.

"What's going on, Beverly?" His voice sounded strained.

"Jean-Luc, I'm sorry I was rude earlier. I'm just tired."

"Are you sure that's all?" His eyes narrowed, and he moved in to take her hand, but she pulled away, not wanting to feel his touch.

"Yes, this was just a long trip for me. I'll be fine once we're back on the ship."

The Captain of the Enterprise looked dubiously at her. "I'm not so sure about that Doctor. You've been out of sorts for weeks now."

"I've been preparing for this series of lectures. I take all this very seriously, Jean-Luc. This was the first time they had asked me to speak on multiple subjects. I had to prepare." Even she didn't believe what she was saying completely. "I promise, a couple days back on duty and every thing will be normal." She patted his arm, trying to dismiss him. He didn't take the cue.

"If you're sure." She could tell form the tone of his voice that he didn't buy it.

"Absolutely."

"About Commander Alejan."

She stiffened once again. "What about her?"

"I still want to know what you think of her."

"What? Look Jean-Luc, I have had enough of this. I just want to rest." She moved angrily across the room and continued to pack the very last of her things.

His face grew serious. She found it hard to guess what he was thinking. "Very well, I won't bring it up again. I'm sorry to have troubled you. There is just one thing though."

She turned to face him, smiling half-heartedly. "What's that?"

"Well, you are my best friend. And I'm sorry I've been burdening you will all this these past few years, but it matters what you think."

"And?"

"I wanted to talk something over with you. I am only choosing you because of our friendship you see, I couldn't exactly talk this over with Will or Deanna. They would only tell me what I want to hear. But, you're always honest with me, Beverly. I value you opinion." He was tensing his jaw back and forth.

"What is it then, Jean-Luc?"

"I was wondering how to go about telling someone I was in love with them." His voice shook uncharacteristically. He was in love? This was new and awful. She really couldn't handle much more. She put on a brave face.

"Actually, Jean-Luc, the best thing you can do is just go to that person and tell them you care."

Good advice. Too bad it she hadn't listened to it earlier.

"You're sure?"

He was so infuriating. He could command an entire ship, a fleet for that matter, but he couldn't decide _this_ on his own?

"Yes."

"Even if it means risking everything? I mean, that's what you would do. Is it?"

"Some things are worth the risk." Again, if she had only realized that days ago, years ago. She wanted him to leave, why wouldn't he just go?

"Thank you Beverly. You are a dear friend." He reached in and kissed her cheek softly. She could smell his cologne and found. It was nearly unbearable to be that close to him.

He turned and walked out of her room, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

"Computer, dim lights." The lights around her dimmed and she walked over to her bed and lay on it, crawling into a small ball, readying herself for feeling miserable for the rest of her life.

A day later they were back on the ship. She'd made herself busy around sick bay, keeping to herself and speaking to only a few, those she couldn't avoid. Life was only confusion to her, but work made complete sense.

Every now and then, her mind would wander and she would find herself wondering about this Commander he was in love with. Curious about what she offered him that he saw in no other. Then she got a most disturbing report on her desk. The Commander was transferring to the ship. Her ship. Her department. She'd have to see them together.

Her hands seemed frozen on the transfer report padd, unable to continue reading, fixating on the Commander's photo. She was indeed a beauty. Jealousy built in her chest.

"Beverly?" She heard someone talking to her and looked up in a daze to see Counselor Troi starring worriedly down at her.

"Yes, Deanna, what is it?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt. Are you alright?" Beverly could tell from Deanna's expression she was reading her like a book. She took a different tack, pretended Dianna wasn't empathic and lied.

"Yes, Deanna, just tired. I'm taking the rest of the day off." Maybe the year off, she thought as she dropped the padd on her desk and walked past her worried friend.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

The Captain's door sounded. "Enter."

"Sorry to disturb you, Captain, but I was wondering about something."

"Of course, Counselor." He rose from his lounge chair in his quarters. "Anything serious?"

"I think so, Sir. It's Doctor Crusher. She just hasn't been herself since she returned from her lecture series. Did something happen while you were there?"

Picard looked surprised, but Deanna sensed he knew something of what she was talking about.

"I'm not sure. How about if I go and check on her? Would that make you feel better about it?" He smiled patiently, dropping his book on the table.

Deanna nodded, wondering what really had happened, and wondering if any one would ever let her in on it.

Beverly lay on her couch, staring sideways at her now cold meal. Food was such a strange thing. She could never eat when she was stressed out. She supposed she had stress to thank for her slender figure. She turned away from it and stared up into the ceiling tiles, wondering where she should go from here. She couldn't stay. That was certain. The situation would eat her up from the inside out. Hide sight was an evil entity. She sat up, her head pounding once again from tension.

Just then, her door sounded.

"Yes?" She asked.

"It's the Captain."

Her head hung low, shaking. "Sorry, Captain, just readying for bed, I'll catch up to you tomorrow."

"Now Beverly."

She closed her eyes and shook her head sideways_. Go away!_ "Enter." At her command,. the doors to her quarters slid back.

"I've got something to say, and I don't want you interrupting on me, all right?"

She nodded, still sitting on her couch.

"I recently got some advice from a friend, and after a lot of consideration, I've decided to take it."

"You're going to tell her you love her?" She turned away from him, pretending to look at a book.

He smiled at her. "How did you guess?"

"Well, call it luck." _I saw the blasted report, that's how_. She had never considered Jean-Luc to be the type to pull strings for personal reasons, at least not like this. He had rushed the transfer, that was for certain. She hoped he would do the same for her.

"Well, congratulations, Jean-Luc. I hope you'll be very happy_." Now get out._

He thanked her, but didn't turn to leave. "You look troubled, anything I can do? I mean, I have been asking a lot from you lately, I'd like to return the favor."

"No, just tired I'm afraid."

"I have an idea. Come with me for a minute." He put his hand out for her to take.

NO! "Sure." She stood up, her legs heavy and unwilling, and followed him out of her quarters, down to the turbo lift and off to the hollow-suite.

"Where are we going?"

"Something I made recently. I want to get your impression."

More impressions, more opinions, when would it stop? Her heart felt as though it would burst.

He tapped in the entry sequence for the hollow program and they entered into a scene taken directly out of a French garden. It was beautiful. The smells of the flora were almost overwhelming and just when she couldn't take anymore, a gust of sea breeze came and cleared out her nostrils. The ocean. She loved the ocean.

"Oh, Jean-Luc, this is wonderful." She completely forgot herself for the moment and wandered off through the garden to a sandy cliff over looking the water. Sea birds danced in the air currents above her calling and ducking as the wind changed. He followed quietly behind her, watching her reaction carefully.

They made their way down the hillside and reached the water in minutes. The waves rose up and crashed before them, the salty sea misting over them.

Beverly breathed it all in, relaxing for the first time in months, feeling the warm sun on her face and watching the tide.

"Now, that is the face I know. What's been troubling you so much lately?" He took her hand in his.

"Nothing important, really." She lied. "This is lovely."

He led her down the beach to a rocky area and had her sit across from him.

"I'm glad you like this." He smiled confidently. "Now, I have something else I want to discuss with you." Before he could continue, though, he was paged to the Bridge.

"You stay here and relax. But don't go anywhere, alright?" He got her to agree before he took his leave.

Beverly lay back in the warm sand, enjoying the cool breezes washing over her face and arms. She closed her eyes, for what she thought was only a minute, but when she opened them again, he had returned and was standing over her.

"Well, my plan worked, you actually rested."

She sat up embarrassed. "I must have fallen to sleep. How long were you gone?" She brushed the sand from her hair, running her fingers through it.

"Four hours. I thought you must have certainly left." He smiled, helping her brush off the rest of the grit from her clothing. His eyes softened at her and she immediately felt guilty for being so angry at him for these past months. It wasn't his fault that his feelings didn't go past friendship for her. What a loss it would be for that friendship to be gone.

"You made this program just for me, didn't you?"

He grinned sheepishly. "You caught me."

"Thank you, Jean-Luc. This is the best I have felt in months. You are a good friend." She repeated the sentiment aloud, as if to confirm it in her mind.

A troubled look crossed his face.

"Now you look worried, Jean-Luc. Thinking of her?"

He looked intently into her eyes. "Yes."

"Have you told her yet?" She asked, trying to sound light hearted.

"No. But I will. This simply isn't something that I take lightly." He smiled, but she could see his nervousness.

"If you're worried about rejection, you shouldn't. How could anyone resist you?"

"Now you're teasing me." He said in mock anger. "I guess I'll go now."

Beverly looked surprised. "She's on the ship?"

He nodded. "No time like the present?" He squeezed her hands and left her on the beach.

As he walked out of the hallo-suite she felt her throat constrict and a sob began to well painfully in her chest. She wandered off to the garden and sat amidst the flowers. Just as she decided to get it over with by having a good cry, she heard the door slide back.

She frowned, looking towards the sound, wondering who it could be, then she saw him.

"I hoped I would find you here."

She looked curiously at him. "This is where you left me." She replied wondering what on earth he was doing back in here. She was never going to be able to grieve his loss if he wouldn't leave her alone.

"I left you on the beach." He corrected as he walked over to her.

"Did you forget something?" She asked, trying not to meet his gaze so that he wouldn't know she had been crying.

"Yes." He took her hands in his as he sat at her side. "I forgot to tell you one other thing."

"What's that?" She asked, her voice shook from the feeling of his hands on hers.

"Well, really, I'm here on advise from a friend."

"Jean-Luc," she began, attempting to pull her hands from his. "If Deanna sent you, you can tell her.."

"Beverly, please be quiet. I've tried to talk to you about this for weeks now, and if you interrupt me once more, I shall run screaming from the ship."

"Sorry."

He lowered himself down beside her, all the while holding her hands. She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eyes.

"Beverly." He lifted her chin to match his gaze. "I've come to tell you that, I'm in love."

She frowned at him. "You made that pretty clear, Jean-Luc. Shouldn't you be telling HER that?" She snapped. This was too much. Was he practicing on her now? How much more could she endure?

"I am." The words cut through her misery, as his gaze burned into hers.

She felt her heart lurch to a stop. Not just skip a beat, but actually stop for several seconds.

"Did you hear what I said?" He asked, looking worriedly at her pale face. "Beverly Crusher, I am in love with you."

"What? But what about the Commander?"

It was his turn to look surprised. "Commander? Commander who?"

"Commander Alejan."

"Commander Alejan is a married woman."

"But you kept asking me about her."

"She's a new addition to your medical team. I thought you would want to look her over carefully before her transfer was complete. You had her records on your desk well before the conference."

Beverly looked shamefaced, and grew redder by the minute as the situation began to dawn on him. She had been so self involved she hadn't taken the time to look at the new transfer requests before their trip.

"You were jealous." He grinned at her, victorious.

"I wouldn't say that." She said, trying to deflect the accusation.

"What would you call it?"

She sighed, defeated again. "I would call it _incredibly_ jealous." She looked down, unable once again to meet his gaze.

"Beverly." He pulled her up to him. "The captain of this ship, your oldest and closest friend has just announced his devotion for you. What is your response?"

She looked up into his eyes and found she couldn't speak. The feelings she had been denying for so many years were bubbling up inside her, but the years of practicing to cover them up were making it impossible for her to speak of them. She found herself shaking her head, eyes closed, tears running down her face.

Jean-Luc's face fell. "If you aren't ready yet, I'll wait. If you're never ready, I'll still wait Beverly. But, be forewarned, I won't pretend any longer."

She looked up at him, suddenly feeling stronger than she had in months and the ability to speak returned to her.

"I won't make you wait, Jean-Luc." She smiled through her tears as she reached up and kissed him passionately.


End file.
